More Adages

Life is sexually transmitted

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and he will not bother you for weeks.

Some people are like a Slinky: Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.

All of us could take a lesson from the weather: It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers: What you do today might burn your ass tomorrow.

Don't worry about old age. It doesn't last long.

Five Rules to Remember in Life

1. Money cannot buy happiness but its more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.

2. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard's name.

3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.

4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.

5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.